Just over a month ago, a person I seriously thought would be with me long term broke up with me out of nowhere. My life was literally a Hallmark movie where the heroine has everything bad personally and professionally happen right before Christmas. (But without the cute Christmas reunion.)
I don’t say this for sympathy. I say it because I was thrown into some situational depression, lost somewhere between 10-20 pounds, and am just now starting to feel like myself again most of the time. I was, and to a certain extent still am, struggling. (This past week has been good for me to move forward though.)
Needless to say, I have been struggling with Happily Ever Afters since then. Reading M/M romances are easier, but I am just now starting to go back to M/F romances. And while I got a lot of work done over the holidays while I was hoping for my Hallmark Christmas Miracle, it was structural and organizing, not actually tackling anything with emotions.
So here are my 5 Tips for Writing Romance While Heartbroken.
One: Don’t. Just don’t.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break. Step back. Let yourself feel the emotions you’re going through. Cry. Rail at the sky. Or if you’re like me, obsess on what you did wrong. (Or most likely, didn’t do wrong.) Talk to your friends. Rant. Rave. And struggle.
If you haven’t noticed, the word for my past month has been struggle.
Don’t push yourself to write. Take a break from writing or reading romance. It’s been over a month and I’m just starting to feel okay enough to read romance. Let alone to start writing it.
Two: Write if you feel like it.
Sometimes you just need to get all the messiness out. I currently have a short piece saved in my Google Docs from a specifically difficult day. It was therapeutic. I might share it. I might not. Who knows.
Well, I know that it needs a lot of editing before it’s ready to even be seen by others. If it will ever be seen.
Either way, write all the dramatic, sappy, and hateful things if you need to. If you need to get it out someway. Do what your heart and soul tells you to do.
Three: Find something else to be creative with.
For those who follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that I’m also a singer and performer. I’ve also been struggling with going back to my music. (My ex was also a performer. We met in a show together.) However, about 2-3 weeks ago, I was able to start singing again and I’ve been finding my voice and my joy in music again.
In fact, channeling a lot of my emotions into my music has been helpful. I don’t have to directly deal with my feelings all the time, but I can channel them into music. I can sing about the heartbreak in The Magic Flute or the pining in The Old Maid and the Theif stronger than before. I can take those struggles and turn them into art. (Hopefully.)
Four: Write something else.
One of my other works, besides my romances, has been a cozy mystery. It’s so much easier to kill people when you’re hurting than writing happy endings. (Plus, you can kill your ex in your writing.)
Honestly, I’ve finally been able to make some headway with my mystery after fiddling with it for… much longer than I’d like to admit. Writing something different has helped so much and given me something new to work on.
Five: Don’t get frustrated.
We all feel like we should heal much faster than we often do. I can’t tell you how frustrated I’ve been with myself for not being able to motivate myself. (I’m a highly motivated person. Not wanting to get out of bed is weird and frustrating for me.) No matter what, love yourself. We all heal and go through these processes differently. Figure out what you need to do for you. Bring people close. Cut others out. Do things that make you happy. Or just binge watch one of your favorite shows.
You will get through this. And remember, it’s these struggles that make us stronger. Yes, I know it’s easy to say and harder to believe. But it’s these emotions that make our crafts better. It’s also the hard parts of our life that make the good parts that much better.
As they say in Into the Woods:
Oh, if life were made of moments
Even now and then a bad one!
But if life were only moments
Then you’d never know you had one
So, go take care of yourself. And go love yourself.
