A girl I used to be close friends with has inspired this post. She often uses social media, like many of us, to share a sanitized version of her life. After all, who really wants to show the not so glamorous sides of life?
Who wants to show the days we’re running late and don’t have Instagram-worthy makeup or hair. Or when we don’t have a cute #OutfitOfTheDay photo?
What about when our cute little nephew barfs all over us?
Or when you seriously screwed up and lost your job? Not because you were too good for the job or just ran into some bad luck. Maybe you just
This friend of mine, like many of us, likes to show a picture-perfect view into their lives. And I’ll admit, I do as well. I don’t air my grievances on my social media sites, even my personal ones, and I’m not exactly taking photos of myself when I’m not feeling how I look (aka I at least have eyeliner on).
For some reason, it was this past Christmas when another Hallmark-Movie-Perfection post showed up on my feed, and I felt compelled to act.
So, I’m here to challenge you to be more realistic. For my fellow writers, please, be accurate with what holidays with our families actually look like. Because they don’t look like Hallmark movies.
Here’s an overview of the holiday season for me to give a breath of fresh air and to show that yes, you’re not the only one.
Christmas is a busy season at the heritage site I work at. We’ve been trying to build our holiday tours and in the past 4 years have started opening to the public. Unfortunately, that means we need people to work. Volunteers don’t want to work during the holiday season, which makes sense. After all, we’re all busy. As the only staff member, I worked Thanksgiving weekend (Friday-Sunday) and December 20th-30th with only Christmas Eve and Christmas off.
Thanksgiving and Christmas get split between my two families. Because my cousins are getting married, we host my mother’s side (the quieter smaller side) on the day in question, and my father’s side (the not-so-small and not-so-quiet side) on another day.
The past few years, one of my cousins has been bringing her mother to Thanksgiving. Some of you are probably wondering why that’s weird. She is the ex-wife of my uncle who married into our family. She’s not related to us at all. However, this year was the first year my aunt and uncle (her ex-husband) did not come to either holiday.
My grandmother and one of my other aunts are still not talking and it will have been four years this February since they last spoke. But my aunt couldn’t come for Christmas this year since she’s a nurse and had to work.
One of my cousins refused to come to Christmas this year because my grandma wasn’t giving gifts this year. (Yes, he actually said this. And yes, he is old enough to know better.) Instead, my grandmother gave all the money she would have spent purchasing gifts for all of us to St. Jude’s and Shriner’s Hospitals. (For context, there’s usually about 32-35 people at our family gatherings.)
Christmas Eve is always a long night for me because I sing at two different church services as a vocalist. Solos are prepared at both along with being a section leader for both churches. This year, the 11:00 pm service was a different church and I wasn’t home until 1:00 am on Christmas morning.
As you can see, none of my holidays are perfect. I end up working a lot on the holidays, which means less time for me to spend with my family and friends. Families fight. Food takes longer to cook than we expect. And yes, you don’t always get what you want (or if you’re like my family, you misplace Christmas presents and find them a few weeks to a year later).
No one is quietly sitting around a crackling fire and drinking hot chocolate while reading the Bible or A Christmas Carol by candlelight. Getting together a group to go caroling is stressful and frustrating (trust me, I know). Few families gather happily without someone getting hurt or upset, even if they don’t say so in public.
Please, let’s stop pretending our holidays or even our lives are perfect. Please also remember that it’s okay that they’re not perfect. It’s those stories that I find myself going back to when I’m thinking back on previous holiday seasons.
Besides, I’d much rather tell the weird stories from my family and hear those from my friends than sanitized, perfect Christmas stories.